Does this sound familiar?
Read examples of common attendance situations and the recommended actions.
Need to know
- School refusal can feel isolating for families, but you are not alone.
- Sharing what it looks like is helpful for parents and teachers to identify some of the barriers.
- Using these scenarios schools and parents can work together to find strategies for your child.
The barriers to attending school can be complex.
Below are some scenarios of what school refusal or school can’t, may look like at home.
These can be helpful for identifying attendance barriers and finding solutions.
Remember you’re not alone, many families go through this.
Attendance scenario examples
Scenario 1
Thomas is 12 years of age and in year 6.
Thomas has been missing several days each week from school.
Thomas says he feels sick and doesn’t want to go to school. This is happening more often, and you’re starting to worry that something else might be going on.
Useful strategies to try
Have a calm chat with your child:
- Chat with your child, find out what is bothering them, focusing on problems, worries, challenges they’re facing or the reasons school feels tough.
Reach out to the school:
- Make contact and ask for a meeting with a teacher or staff member. You can work together to understand what’s making school hard and find ways to help.
Get support from professionals:
- Depending on the challenges your child is facing, talk to your doctor or make an appointment with a counsellor. There are also school psychologists and social workers who can support your child at their school.
Scenario 2
Millie is 16 years of age and in Year 10.
Millie has been missing several days each week.
She often feels anxious about going and says she doesn’t see the point of attending. She’s had some issues with classmates and doesn’t feel connected to school. She usually skips breakfast and sometimes arrives late when she does attend.
Useful strategies to try
Barrier
- Anxiety about attending
Strategies
- Check-in about what’s making her feel anxious about coming to school (unpack barriers). Ask a friend or family member to check in.
- Conversations that avoid eye contact can be easier ie: in the car or during an activity such as cooking or sport.
- Ask if the school if they can provide a trusted adult for daily check-ins.
- Reach out to the homegroup teacher or year coordinator, who can put you in touch with wellbeing team or professional support staff.
Barrier
- Social issues
Strategies
- Check-in about what is happening in her relationships and how she can be supported.
- Gently ask if there are friendships that can be re-ignited?
- Encourage buddying up with another student, participation in lunch-time activities.
Barrier
- Disengagement from learning
Strategies
- Are there activities that might spark Millie’s interests/future pathway that connect to learning? Ie: workshops, work experience.
- Are there any opportunities in your local community that you can support them to get engaged in.
- Meet with the school and find out about opportunities for hands-on or engaging learning activities to participate in. Ask how the school can support their interests and strengths.
Barrier
- Skipping breakfast
Strategies
- Is there an on-the-go snack – if she’s rushing out the door?
- If the school has a breakfast club or hot lunch program, encourage her to attend and eat up.
Scenario 3
Your child seems quiet and isn’t talking about their close friends like they used to.
When you ask, they say they’re not friends anymore and want to stay home tomorrow.
That can be tough to hear, and it’s natural to feel concerned.
Useful strategies to try
Talk with your child:
- Talk about what’s been happening with their friends and other people at school. Let them know you’re there to listen and help.
Ask the question:
- Ask if they want to fix the friendship and chat about some kind and respectful ways they might try to reconnect.
- If there is interest in repairing a relationship, how can you help? Is there an activity they used to enjoy that you can organise outside of school?
Encourage talking to the school:
- Help your child talk to the school and ask how they can support your child during this time.
Scenario 4
Your child gets home from school. When you ask how their day was, they say it was okay but boring.
You look at their mid-term report and see that they are not achieving at the same level they used to. When you ask why, they say some subjects are hard, and they don’t see the point of going to school.
Hearing that might be confronting, and it’s normal to feel a bit concerned.
Useful strategies to try
Talk with your child about school:
- Ask how they feel about it. Which subjects are harder? Which ones aren’t so hard and why? Why are they feeling like there is no point of going to school? Listening can help them feel heard.
Chat about their learning and goals:
- Find out more about what they enjoy about school and why. Ask them what they’d like to get better at and how they might be able to get there.
- Listen carefully for clues that might help you and your children understand what is happening.
- Then, help them see how school might help them reach those goals.
Get in touch with the school:
- Let the teacher know what you’ve noticed. Working together can help your child feel more interested in learning.
Next steps
Remember you are not alone in this.
Many families go through periods where children don’t want to go to school. The most important step is talking to your child or young person to find out as much as you can about their challenges.
Reach out to their school and discuss what have heard and to find out what support options are available.
Communication is key. Stay in communication with the school and help us to help you and your child or young person – we’re all in this together.
